Jessica Eve Watkins
July 27th, 2014.
England is hot this summer. Sleeping naked, windows open, city voices chiming into my stupor. Sleeping alone, stretched across the mattress. Waking through the nights with a breeze tickling my face. I read my Goddess cards before sleep, uninhibited. I’m lonely, sometimes. Days are for parks and cafe gardens. No rivers to swim in. Girls are everywhere, like birds of paradise in tropical dresses, flicking eyes at sweaty ponytailed men riding bikes. I can’t believe how beautifully everyone unfolds with the arrival of sun. Humans are a marvel. Long tanned legs, smooth bare shoulders, crazed sex on our minds. Things seem so primal, exotic.
I miss my coat and trousers. I love this – I’m so grateful for dry heat – but I keep sneaking my sweatshirt on whenever I get the chance. My mind is incessant with manic inspiration for Anima Rising. I crouch over my laptop day in day out, forging links and editing our new website. It feels fucking awesome to be so turned on to something. To stand so strong in our beliefs. It’s all I want to do, and 3,500 miles west I know Harper is feeling the same.
I have spent a lot of my twenties feeling lost. That’s how it’s needed to be for me. The disappointment with life, and mostly with myself, has been a battle, but at the moment it feels like I am de-snagging my dress from the thorns, and climbing somewhere. Im not sure where. Up. We have always kept this Anima Rising project very open, and that’s what allows it to surprise me so fully. I can’t quite believe the little trip I took to the States in March has unravelled into this life changing stream of events. Opening me everyday, pushing me to fight for something. I feel vital again.
Money is almost non-existent. I say affirmations for wealth and success, visualise it flowing towards me. I need it for my return to the USA in the Autumn, to keep these dreams alive. We are planning to visit more pioneers and earth angels, sleep on the dusty ground again, discover new communes, lose ourselves to the back roads of America. This time we know so much more. There’s an adventure out there that we are gonna grab with two hands.
While I wait, I paint and bake cakes with courgettes from the neighbour’s allotment. George brings home geraniums and spinach from his. I eat freshly harvested tomatoes and salad. The abundance of everything lifts my heart. We pick wild flowers for the table, walk the pavement with hanging boughs of ivy and gladioli batting my hair. A couple of times I get so overwhelmed by the complexity of a certain flower or garden bush that I stop in my tracks to inhale it properly, and gape at the mystery. What IS that?! How come I so often trample by this beauty easily, and don’t take the time to remember that it’s a glimpse of enlightenment.
So quickly it is evening once again. We watch a lot of old Friends DVDs. Open mics, packed cinemas, walks around the park again. Sometimes we drink wine. Light candles to bring centre and care into our space. I fall asleep alone again, focusing on my breath, and feeling a tiny smile of independence flicker at the corners of my mouth.